God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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