I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
