i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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