She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
