I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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