I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
