We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize