STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we're making bets on your personal life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
