i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
