everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
