I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize