i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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