does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
