haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
