What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize