He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
