Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
