this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
