Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
People in love make me want to vomit
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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