took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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