I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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