I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
