Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
