so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
