I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
