We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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