Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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