Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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