I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dignity is for republicans.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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