Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
