Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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