we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
