I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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