Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
