Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
