I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
