Im at strip club and am horny
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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