How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I want is dick and wine.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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