Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
