She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize