U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i've created a new STD.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize