It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
