i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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