I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He kissed a someone with a penis
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
