dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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