Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
