Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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