Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
