Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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