32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
