TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
