True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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