So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
