Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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