Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
