The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
