we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I believe in your delicious
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He has the fingertips of a God
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