apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
