We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize