I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
