I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
