one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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