Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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