does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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