I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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