you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
