How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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