its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
