There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
