Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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