It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize