I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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