Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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