what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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