I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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