i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
