It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
