There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
