The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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