Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone signed my nipple.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
