***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
