Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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