i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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