Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
