Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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