Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
