So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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